Remember

I remember a time in my life when I had no worries. I was a kid living at home with my parents. What I thought were rough times, like having to clean my room, wash dishes, hang clothes on the clothes line in the backyard, scrub the walls and baseboards in the entire house. The list of chores on Sunday morning seemed endless. As a kid who wanted to go out and play with my friends, I remember feeling resentment toward my mother, who supervised these cleaning sessions. I remember feeling betrayed by life and thinking my mom was being so cruel. There were times when mom would take us someplace fun, like to an amusement park. But on those Sundays she wanted the house clean. That was all she wrote. I can still smell the fresh pine scent of Pinesol, and the strong clean odor of Lysol permeating through the house. I can smell the clean, fresh scent of the clothes as we hung them on the line to dry. I remember waiting and hoping for rainy days when we didn’t have to clean so much and I could just relax and watch movies all day. Those were the days!

I forget what is it like to be worry-free. I sometimes have short periods of time when I can’t remember how things were. I forget what my grandparents’ house looked like before my grandfather remodeled it. I forget how to drive, since I haven’t driven a car since 2003. There are so many times when I think of how I forget what it’s like to carry a child, what contractions feel like, etc.

I want to forget the circumstances that brought me to prison, and how cruel it was that I was treating the judicial system. I want to forget the terrible lies that were told about me as I navigated the vortex of evil spirits that is our court system.

I want to forget about the hurt and pain that I caused my family and my victims by engaging in criminal activity and stealing my victims’ identities. I want to forget about all the bad checks I wrote in order to gain, illegally, cash.

-Ileana Walker