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I was blind.. to myself.

All my life I felt nothing but dissatisfaction and longing. Never understanding why I felt so hollow I had everything a little spoiled girl could want. Horses, dogs, cats, ducks a big house and people who loved me. Yet through all this I was angry and mean. Why? Was it because as an infant I was put in the foster care system? Up until the age of 8 placed into many different homes. Always feeling a sense of resentment and unworthiness.

It wasn't until i completely lost my mind and hit rock bottom in 2008 that I started to open my eyes. All of the hate I felt towards the world was actually the hate I felt towards myself. When I'd cut my skin to release pressure I was really trying to destroy what I was most satisfied with. Every action of self sabotage. Every fight, every negative emotion that was being realized extremely was really just a manifest of my internal struggle. I hated myself and never understood that.. being in prison has given me ample time to discover the root problems of myself. I'm just now learning that you'll never be able to see the beauty of life until you can see the beauty of your own life. You don't have to be beautiful smart or perfect. Just be human, be real. The way your eyes will open and finally you'll be free to see.

-Marine Heidi