"Advice"

Don’t stop till you hear ten! That’s what your grandma said about booking up a car. I don’t get it. Of course you don’t – you’re growing up in a different world. When I was a girl, phones had cords and nobody had a water bottle. You have it too easy. You live in a microwave world, digital, nothing’s original, you want everything done yesterday. Don’t you know patience is a virtue. I know. You told me a million times. Hush, your ears are for listening. Remember the words “listen” and “silent” have the same letters on them. When you are my age you can tell me what to do. Now let me see your face- stop picking at your skin, do not squeeze a zit, let it come to a head and then pull the skin apart and remember that beauty must suffer. There’s no way to pluck your eyebrows just wax ‘em and rip ‘em off, I say. And do no saw at your nails, they are not made of wood. I want a manicure, it’s easier. Just because somethings easier doesn’t make it better. What’s in style may not be your style. Not to worry. You know eventually your hair style will be in style, if it’s curly hair they want now in a year or 2 it’ll be straight hair. Women want what they can’t have. And men, they really want what they can’t have. Don’t let them know you like them. They like the chase. You have to learn to play the game. I am not a game player. Of course you are. Everyone is. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. We can go to a restaurant. I don’t like to cook and I hate dishes. What about sex? How you know I told you that it’s nice but only after marriage. But why would a man buy the cow if he can get the milk for free? Looks are important, but they don’t last forever. How a good recipe will last forever. For God’s sake, don’t sit with your legs wide open. What will the neighbors say? And button up that shirt. Keep your head up, hold your stomach in. Stick your chest out, you’ll have it all your life. Now, that’s better. Watch your figure or nobody else will.

-Bonnie Koefelz